#60: Read Ten Books I've Never Read Before

 "We All Fall Down: Living With Addiction" by Nic Sheff

 "Exit Here" by Jason Myers

"Skinny" by Ibi Kaslik

"WTF" by Peter Lerangis

"It's Kind of a Funny Story" by Ned Vizzini

"Truth" by Julia Karr

"Looking for Alaska" by John Green

"Fifty Shades Darker" by EL James

"Ana's Story" by Jenna Bush

"Run The Game" by Jason Myers

#66: Write a letter to myself to open in ten years

*Didn't want to post the actual letter because i would be tempted to read it again before the actual date.

#68: Answer "50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind"

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
   I would guess that I am around 30 years old, because I act like a full grown adult and mother. I don’t act my age at all.
   
   
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
   Never trying. If you don’t try, you live with that constant “what if” feeling and that is worse than any kind of failure.
   
   
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
   Survival. Nothing in life is perfect, and we all have to do things we don’t like in order to get to places that we want to be. I think we tend to like things we don’t do, because if we don’t do them, then we don’t really experience them and we THINK we like them. I feel like once we were to experience these things, we wouldn’t necessarily like them the same way..
   
   
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
   Absolutely. We can all talk the talk, but it’s much harder to walk the walk. I think the hardest thing you can go through in life, is battling with your own mind. You can say whatever you want, but when it comes to actually doing it, that’s when things get hard.
   
   
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
   The hatred and constant arguments between people. I think it’s really important that everyone has their own individual opinion, but it just seems like the world struggles to meet an agreement on anything. People get pleasure out of arguing and I’m not a conflicting person what so ever. It seems like there always has to be some sort of negativity towards anything that happens.
   
   
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
   Personally? Art, hands down. Making art, and making the world a little bit more beautiful would be the richest happiness I could ask for.
   
   
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
   I’m settling. All in all I know God has a plan for me and I’m following what he wants, but at the same time I am doing what I think is right, what I know God would want me to do. Of course I have higher dreams and wishes like everyone does, but those dreams aren’t in God’s plan for me.
   
   
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
   I think I’d try harder to enjoy my life right now. I wouldn’t focus so hard on school and I’d just spend my time doing what I love. I’d probably push myself to find a relationship quicker too, instead of just riding it out and seeing where things take me. I want to have children, I want a family before it’s too late. I’d want to know my children before I left this earth.
   
   
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
   Next to none. God directs my path entirely. I can disagree with him and disobey, but that’s not what I’m here for. I’m following exactly what God wants. He throws a path at me and I wander down it. I suppose my choices are on my shoulders, but at the same time God is guiding me where I’m meant to go.
   
   
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
    Doing the right things. Life is all about making mistakes and messing things up. But if I know I’m bringing the best to others and making God proud then that’s what really matters.
    
    
11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do?
    I’d like to say that I’d stand up to them and tell them how wrong they’re acting, but to be honest I guess I can’t say unless I’m in the situation. I have stood up for people before when I was put in a similar situation, and other times I have kept quiet and just reminded myself to not associate with those people anymore. I know one thing though, I definitely would lose my respect and admiration for these people.
    
    
12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
    Enjoy as much of your life as you can. Spend your childhood being a child, and don’t try to grow up too fast. Time never lasts, and before you know it you’ll be grown up and wishing you could be a kid again. Enjoy every minute you can. Make mistakes, have fun, and never let anyone try to control your life. Be in control of yourself.
    
    
13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
    Without a doubt. Saving someone else is so much more important to me than letting them go and worrying about getting in trouble. If I can help someone I will, despite the consequences to myself.
    
    
14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
    Absolutely. Some of the most insane and downright crazy things I’ve witnessed in my life, have often been the most inspiring things. Ordinary is boring, insane is original.
    
    
15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
    I’d say nothing. Nothing about me is entirely original; someone somewhere does exactly what I do, no matter what it is. I’m not different. I’m just myself, I suppose.
    
    
16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
    Because no one is exactly the same. We all have different senses of humor, different things that make us cry. Our emotions and our behaviors I think are reflected upon what we’ve been through in our lifetimes.
    
    
17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What’s holding you back?
    I haven’t traveled, or had nearly enough adventure as I’ve wanted by now. I’m still young, and instead of enjoying my teenage/young adult years, I spend my life like an old woman. I suppose what’s holding me back is that I don’t have anyone to really share my adventures with. I wouldn’t want to travel and have fun alone, I’d much rather have friends to share these times with.
    
    
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
    Yes, I suppose I am.
    
    
19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
    I’d move somewhere with a beautiful city. Somewhere that I couldn’t get bored, somewhere that lets me wake up and experience a new adventure every day. I want to be somewhere that allows me to be happy, and allows me to meet new people. I need to be somewhere that forces me to be inspired by all that life has to offer.
    
    
20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
    No, I don’t. I hold the button that closes the elevator doors to try to speed up the process of closing the doors and traveling to wherever I’m going.
    
    
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
    A joyful simpleton. I’d much rather be happy and carefree then worried and knowledgeable.
    
    
22. Why are you, you?
    Well, because I am. There’s no easier way to explain it than that.
    
    
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
    Probably not. I abandon people and ignore them when something doesn’t go how I want it to, and I would never want a friend like that.
    
    
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
    Losing touch with a good friend that lives near me. It seriously sucks when you run into them, or go places that remind you of them. When a friend moves away, it also sucks but you can keep in touch with the technology now a days, plus seeing them is a fun adventure.
    
    
25. What are you most grateful for?
    Everything. I am so blessed.
    
    
26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
    Lose all of my old ones. The past is the past, and you can’t change what happened. But the future is so important. You build your future. You experience so much more as life goes on.
    
    
27. Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
    No, I don’t believe it is possible. I think our minds would believe anything if there was no proof of real and fake. We’d think everything was the truth. You have to challenge the truth to know what’s real.
    
    
28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?
    No. My greatest fear is being on this earth without my mom. I know one day it will come true, but I’m just so thankful it hasn’t happened yet.
    
    
29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now?
    What happened in the past doesn’t matter anymore. Sometimes things are brought back up and they open a fresh wound, but it really doesn’t matter anymore. What I do with my future and my life from now on is what’s really important.
    
    
30. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special?
    I don’t think I can pick out a single memory. I had an amazing childhood, with so much support and love that I couldn’t ever have dreamed of. I am very blessed.
    
    
31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
    I’d say my passion has sort of come to a halt. The last time I really remember feeling alive and incredibly passionate about life, was when I got in touch with God. I remember how happy and how carefree I was. There wasn’t a worry in the world to me. All I cared about was being around God. And all I want is to try to feel that again.
    
    
32. If not now, then when?
    Someday. Eventually. Hopefully.
    
    
33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
    I think this really depends on what situation is being referred to. Sometimes you can lose a lot by trying to achieve something. And sometimes, there isn’t a damn thing to lose.
    
    
34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
    Those are the moments when you really experience a connection. One of the most powerful things you could ever go through.
    
    
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
    Because the people that believe in the religions try to force everyone else to believe the same things. Not everyone has similar beliefs, and when someone’s belief is forced upon someone else with different beliefs, people get angry and do destructive things.
    
    
36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
    No. Some good is hidden behind evil, and some evil is hidden behind good. Nothing is ever fully understood.
    
    
37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
    Well at the moment I don’t have a job, but even if I did, I don’t think I’d quit. A million dollars isn’t going to last me my entire lifetime. I’m not sure what career I’ll end up doing, but if it was something I didn’t really enjoy, I’d probably get a job in something that I enjoy, even if the pay isn’t good because that money could be used as a backup plan.
    
    
38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
    More work that I enjoy doing. I always like to stay busy, and if I’m doing something I love, I couldn’t ask for much more than that.
    
    
39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
    Absolutely. My life is a very boring cycle. And I’m ready for a change.
    
    
40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
    Every day. I’m always going with what I believe in, despite my family and everyone else telling me that I shouldn’t do it.
    
    
41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
    My mom. I’d spend every minute with my mom. Of course I’d hurt over everyone else, but my mom is the one I’d spend time with. And I wouldn’t regret it at all.
    
    
42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
    No. No amount of money or good looks would make me want to live a shorter amount of time on this earth. Life is so short as it is, and all that matters to me is making a difference and serving my time well. I don’t need material things to enjoy life.
    
    
43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
    Being alive means simply existing. Everyone is alive. But to truly live, means to really spend your time on this earth making a difference and enjoying yourself. Not very many people can truly say that they’re living.
    
    
44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
    When you learn life’s lessons and understand that listening to your gut is the best thing you can do.
    
    
45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
    Because the feeling of being wrong, and doing wrong is the worst feeling in the world. No one wants to feel like a failure – no one.
    
    
46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
    I wouldn’t have as many fears, and I’d probably enjoy myself and my life a lot more. I’d probably also love my body and myself a lot more than I do now.
    
    
47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
    It’s been a while. It’s been a while since I’ve stopped and taken a breath, let alone listened to it. I need to, though. Really soon.
    
    
48. What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
    I love so many things, I couldn’t even make a list covering everything I love. I suppose they have. I try to fall in love with at least one new thing every day.
    
    
49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that?
    I suppose I’ll remember bits and pieces from what’s going on now, but I won’t remember the days or times what so ever. I only hope I can do enough that I remember most of it for the rest of my life.
    
    
50. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
    I think partly both. Ultimately no one can make decisions for me. I make them myself, but whether or not other people or other things influence these decisions is an entirely different question where I would say that they definitely do.